Do You Really Mean That?

On Friday evening, I went to a diversity meeting about micro-aggressions. In the discussion, we talked about how people are unaware of how their words can hurt others without them even realizing it. People say things and are completely oblivious to how their words can offend others; it all comes from ignorance.

I was a facilitator in one of the groups at the meeting, and I was very taken aback by this one girl. When I called on her, I had no idea that this girl was going to change the way that I was going to continue my activism for the GLBTQ community. She mentioned how she worked with children who were mentally challenged and how upset she feels when people say “that’s so retarded.” She said that whenever people around her say this phrase, she doesn’t immediately say “that’s so wrong, you shouldn’t say that.” Instead she said that she would ask the perpetrator “you don’t really mean that, do you?”

When she said these words, a light bulb went off in my head and I realized that her way of approaching hate was so much more methodical than the standard “don’t say that, it’s wrong to say that.” I realized that by asking people if they really mean the hurtful words and phrases that they’ve said, there is more room for the person who has made these offenses to recollect their thoughts and realize that when they said that “_______” was “such a faggot” or “so retarded” when ”_______” tripped up the stairs, they actually didn’t actually think that “______” was a homosexual or that “______” suffered from a mental handicap. By saying “do you really mean that?” the offender can learn from his poor choice in words and be aware of themselves in the future, instead of feeling as if the person who is calling them out is trying to make them look like an idiot and guilting them. And trust me, when you shove it in someone’s face that they’re wrong or they should do something, they’re not going to be all that thrilled with you.

From now on, my new way to end the hate is to ask “Do you really mean that?” It’s just so perfect.

Always be aware of your words because what might not be offensive to you could unconsciously offend someone else. You never know how those words can affect someone else. However lame this sounds, everyone has feelings and we should be aware of how our actions take a toll on other’s feelings.

Stay strong and keep fighting the good fight!

Always,

Car